With the Eastern Conference Finals finished and the Western Conference on the brink of being settled, I am officially confident enough to say that this, by far, is the worst Stanley Cup Playoffs I can remember. Vegas is the only team left that legitimately deserves to drink from Lord Stanley's mug.

If I hear one more person talk about how William Nylander, John Tavares and the rest of the Leafs top 6 are overpaid, I might actually have steam come out of my ears like a goddamn cartoon, because the NHL's scriptwriters are truly the ones that are overpaid.

I understand that Florida has managed to put it all together at the most important time of the year but c'mon. You can't just loaft through the entire regular season and call it "facing adversity," then come playoff time, turn on the jets and think you're pulling off some kind of Disney movie heroics. The regular season should count for something because it should be piss your pants in front of your crush at the middle school dance level embarrassing to hoist The Cup, knowing you only made the playoffs off a whim and a prayer.

But seriously, shame to the donkeys at NHL HQ putting together the script each week for making all of this happen.

Of course this was the year the Leafs could finally exorcise their demons and get past round one, and just when the path couldn't be clearer for the first Cup in 55 years, they had to meet the big bad pussy cat panthers in round two where they would barely avoid a sweep. Like seriously.

Not to mention how the Panthers even got to round two.

You're telling me that this poverty franchise took down the Presidents Trophy-winning Boston Bruins? The team that broke the record for the best regular season in NHL history. Of course Florida came away with a series win; it's not like this has happened before... right? Actually, wrong. It happened back in 2019 when Columbus barely squeaked into the playoffs and FUCKING SWEPT the Tampa Bay Lightning. The same Tampa Bay Lightning that broke the previous record for the best regular season in NHL history. And guess who was backstopping the Blue Jackets then... SERGEI BOBROVSKY!

That would go on to be the last time the Lightning would lose a playoff series for two straight years. After that, they won back-to-back Cups. So what's next in the bag of tricks at NHL HQ? Are the Bruins about to go on a heater?

But honestly, in what is likely Patrice Bergeron's last season, you're telling me this is how he gets sent off. Panthers snag game five in OT, and Matthew Tkachuk gives a Mark Messier guarantee to the boys that they'll be back in the visiting team dressing room at TD Garden for Game 7, despite being down 3-2 in the series. And sure as shit, THEY DO IT... and take the series in 7. Not a good day for the Bruins faithful.

Regardless, they beat the Bruins and nearly swept the Leafs. BUT NOW THEY SWEPT THE CONFERENCE FINALS.

I will admit, as I'm writing this, the storyline of the Panther's playoff run does sound exciting. But it sucks for hockey fans. People want more games, more excitement. Not a four and five-game series.

Then again, the Devils v Rangers and the Vegas v Edmonton series were also a borderline abomination. Those series were just back-to-back blowouts. It felt like every game, one team was winning by seven goals, and then the next night, the other team would do it right back. Sure high-scoring games are a cause for excitement, but not like this.

All of this just goes to show that maybe Hollywood wasn't the only place a writer's strike was going on. Very possible that Bill Daly and Gary Bettman had to get behind the ole typewriter and write the playoffs on their own.